Are You Nervous About Your First Session of Therapy?

Image credit: Nathan Dumlao

When I started practicing therapy after receiving my qualification, I was in my hot-headed, new-kid-on-the-block phase: hungry for experience, and eager to make a positive difference in someone’s life. However, I encountered a frequent problem which persists up until now, mostly with my pro bono clients, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that was.

Later, there came a time during my own therapy session where the penny dropped.

Let’s rewind and hypothesise what may have transpired in the minds of my soon-to-be clients who are deserving of help.

They find out more about my services and seem keen on the idea.

They book a session for next week, say Tuesday evening, after work, 7pm.

Image credit: Antonino Visalli

As soon as the session is booked, a wave may come over. Now what kind of wave this is is dependent on the client’s temperaments and feelings and judgements about seeking help. Let’s say for the sake of argument, this is some form of anxiety. “What do I say?” “How can I disclose my deepest darkest secrets to a stranger?” “What if I cry?” and here’s a big one: “What if he judges me?”

I remember a tutor at the college where I trained at refer to a common line of wisdom. As therapists, we are not supposed to be “judge, juror, or executioner” (believe me, listening to random case vignettes and to not have some kind of visceral or cognitive reaction to whatever content a fictional client brought into the room certainly took some practice!) Whatever you might internalise me as being, it is someone whose job it is to NOT raise an eyebrow when you’ve done something that you perceive to be strange, dodgy, morally questionable, whatever it might be (however, when it comes to the imminent danger of a person’s life- that’s a different story, and I would refer you to the limits of confidentiality that you will find in the terms and conditions when you go through the booking process.) So, most of the time, whatever you say, you can bet that it is going to be fair game.

Image credit: Aamir Suhail

If I do have a reaction, it would be first my job to apologise to you, in the session at that very moment, but it is also my duty to take this into work with my own personal therapist and understand my process and how the aspect of this particular work with my client (you) relates to my views on the issues.

The fear of judgement runs deep in our veins. We’re built that way as human beings. No one wants to get thrown out of the tribe. It makes sense that the concept of telling your deepest darkest secrets to a stranger and expecting complete impartiality is going to feel like an alien concept! When I was first starting out, I found it preposterous that a client wouldn’t want to attend because of this. Now? I completely get it and I’m willing to hold up my hands and say I got it wrong and didn’t consider this.

Now, there is ANOTHER aspect to this non-attendance as my therapist informed me.

Given the cost-of-living difficulties and stresses and strains that the UK is enduring (and I’m sure many other countries around the world are experiencing to their own varying degrees!), folks may feel that they just simply cannot dedicate both attention and money to working on their issues related to their mental health. Kids need picking up from school and taken to after school clubs. Washing needs to be done. Dinner needs to be made. Bills need to be paid. And the list goes on, and on. Of course, when you look at it in this light, therapy seems like a luxury. And quite honestly speaking, it is one that many can’t simply afford the time or even the money right now (hence why I’m offering pro bono therapy on the side).

Image credit: Luis Villasmill

Then you might be saying, why don’t therapists reduce their rates?

I don’t think it is as simple as that. I believe in my bones, in this day and age, people are valuing more and more the positive effect of therapy on aspects of their lives, from managing stresses to living authentically and unapologetically. Based on this, this is why my rates are as “high” as they are (lots of other therapists charge quite a fair amount more). Based on the changes I’ve seen in my clients between session 1 and session 6, I have a firm belief in what I’m offering is well worth the “cost”.

Now this seems like I’m blowing smoke up my own backside and giving myself a testimonial, so before I focus on myself which is not my intent, I wanted to write this blog because of a recent client who inspired me to write it. I can almost guarantee that, as long as you don’t get a rubbish therapist- because believe me, there are a lot of rubbish therapists out there, the FIRST session will be the HARDEST, 100%. You may feel that you overshared, or you couldn’t articulate yourself properly, or you might be worried that I think you’re an idiot. The time after your first session can certainly feel like an emotional hangover, or a vulnerability hangover, a term coined by psychologist Dr Brené Brown, because being vulnerable is not something you willingly and often practice in life I assure you- to leave yourself open for attacks. You have every right to be sceptical and keep yourself on high alert, because that is what is familiar. However, take my word however you want that it does get easier, like with nearly all things, the first time is the most difficult because of the unfamiliarity of the event.

Image credit: Xan Griffin

So, if you’re in a position of having booked your first session and are anticipating how “badly” it could go- bring it to the session. Let’s talk about it and work with it. Even if you feel it’s not pertinent to the very reason you want to attend therapy for, believe me, you might be surprised at how intricately things might be connected. A bird can flap its wings in Indonesia and a tornado can form in Texas. I’m not THAT cosmically woo-wa but, you get my drift. 

You had the courage to book the session. Hold that courage all the way with you to that first session. You don’t know just how green it is on the other side. Let’s start that journey together.

References

Edcanhelp.io. No date. “How much does talking therapy cost? And why?”. Website. Available at: [https://edcanhelp.io/how-did-therapy-get-so-expensive/#:~:text=Just%20like%20any%20other%20business,to%20foot%20the%20bill%20for.]

Mind. No date. “Our work on the cost of living crisis”. Website. Available at: [https://www.mind.org.uk/news-campaigns/campaigns/benefits/cost-of-living-crisis/#:~:text=How%20is%20the%20cost%20of,feeling%20stressed%2C%20anxious%20or%20depressed.].

Vallejos, L. 2016. “Help! I Feel Like My Therapist Judges Me”. Good Therapy Blog. Website. Available at: [https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/help-i-feel-like-my-therapist-judges-me].

Zhou, M. 2022. “How To Nurse A Vulnerability Hangover, According To Brené Brown”. Website. Available at: [https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/vulnerability-hangover].